The Day She Wants to Plaster the World.

Tonight, in between attempting to finish 12 speeches in a day for the Cabinet Ministers and make her employer feel that she is really worth the Consultant fee that they are paying her to commute from Singapore to KL on a weekly basis, she sneaked out for a quick one at the bar- just to feel like she still lives here in KL and tonight was really just like any other Friday night that she'd had at the usual bar for the past 4 years- Michael had walked in.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Only because Michael had moved to Dubai 6 months ago.

Only because he walked in with the girl.

She then had a mini palpitation because 6 months ago, on his last night in KL-they had a huge massive showdown of a fight at the same bar.

He had told her that he wanted to marry the girl.

Which was OK because 6 months ago she already had a huge rock on her finger.

But it wasn't OK because he had told her that he would convert and jokingly told her that he had chosen a name to go with this religion that he was about to embrace to marry the girl.

Which was really not on because they used to fight so much, they used to fight so hard- all because he never believed in marriage, never believed in converting just to marry a person.

Not on because he used to laugh at the fact that her husband had to convert- better him than me- he had uttered.

When she saw the girl, she knew the girl wasn't really his type- she could not even have a decent conversation without being so conscious about her grammar (so much for an MBA student!). She kept on boasting about little trips that he takes her on- boasting about how much he paid for her hair color (who needs to rely on their partners for touch-ups?)

Life is indeed funny.

At 53 years of age and after 9 years of friendship (platonic or otherwise)- of course she is entitled to be possessive of him.

It was funnier when he had spent most of his time tonight at HER table than with the girl- catching up like they used to and being as affectionate as they were before.

As he told her about his life in his new City, she then remembers the look on his face when she walked down the aisle that she saw when watching her wedding video and how warm his eyes were- all this while the girl stares from far wondering what's so special with the girl who makes her boyfriend laugh so much.

Just like old times.

Dear Nathan,

After spending time with the family during the festivities and seeing the husband off to Singapore, I jumped on another plane and headed to China to smell the familiar air of Shanghai, once again - this time to properly take a break on my own, instead of being dragged to another one of his business trips.

TD works like a dog these days (new jobs do that to people, don't they?) and I am left to entertain myself most times and there is so much shopping one can do - even if it IS Singapore.

Truth be told, I am scared to be spending money like I used to (plane tickets don't count!) now that I am no longer on anybody's payroll and there is no guaranteed income. No, my husband's money isn't for spending like it is Boxing Day, every day- contrary to popular beleif.

I also needed to get out of that hotel room that we have been staying at for 2 months now for the fear of killing each other so early in the marriage :) We are moving to our new place next week and I have promised my better half that I will spend more time at the heavenly swimming pool to justify the extravagant rent that we are paying for the (gorgeous) place.

When I touched down in Pudong, I received a call from Z, who read from my status on FB that I was going to make an appearance in his favourite City (and also the City we both used to explore together).

So when he told me that he was going to catch the next flight out from Hong Kong, where he is, to Shanghai, where I am- I was not in two minds about things.

I was in gazillion minds about things.

Sure, he is in a relationship with another man but somewhat I felt like it would be so wrong. No matter how innocent or impromptu this may be.

For the first time, I was thanking God for the Communist ways certain things are run in that country and that includes restrictions on Visa validity. Z sounded so dissapointed as he called me later in the day when he was told he could not go beyond Shenzen while I was sighing with releif.

Certain things are just hard to explain in words. I suspect this has got something to do with getting used to this new level of friendship.

On my part at least.

Love,
Danya
~strolling along the leafy lanes in the French Concession, in the gorgeous Fall weather~
30th September 2009

Missing the Rats.

Dear Nathan,

It has only been 5 weeks that I left the rat race yet I am having severe withdrawal sympthoms. So i jumped on the plane and accompanied my better half for an urgent meeting here in Metro Manila to distract myself from over thinking the whole situation. While he is stressing out preparing for the recovery meeting, I lounged by the pool at the Shangri-La trying to catch up with this week's reading and do some browsing on the Singaporean property market.

Yet I feel that something is missing.

So I turned on my Netbook and emailed my entire team in KL and volunteered to do some work. Heck, I was even ready to pick up the phone and do media RSVPs- that's how desperate I was. My team, up to their neck in preparing for a huge announcement with the Prime Minister the day after, all screamed with delight and in a matter of nanoseconds I found myself typing press releases for the press conference.

Is there something wrong with me you think? I have always wanted to be a free spirit-jump on a plane without having to check with my Blackberry. And now that I am finally able to do so, I am craving for the adrenalin rush that I used to dread.

Maybe this is part of the withdrawal process.

Maybe I will get used to this.

Or maybe I won't.

Love,
Danya
~waving Mabuhay from Makati~
15 September 2009

Lines of Contentment.

Dear Nathan,

It is bizarre stepping foot in Bali again after 7 years of hiatus from this gorgeous island. The last time I was here, I was an underpaid executive fresh out of university (and nursing a broken heart). The trip was simple and did not break the bank.

The last time I was here (on the same trip), my then fiance had caught me cheating on him with Mr Big (who I was nursing a broken heart from) by reading my email on our shared laptop back home. The then fiance demanded to know why I keep on going back to a dick of a head.

I had cried so much. I had cried so hard. I didn't want to go home.

This time round, I am in a private villa, away from the crowd with our own private loungers, our own private swimming pool, our own private butler.

We had laughed so much, we had laughed so hard, while soaking in the sun and exchanging kisses while we tell each other of some funny quotes in The Economist that week. We had run around naked all over the villa trying to throw each other into the pool. We had made sweet love outdoor on our sun deck, in the broad daylight without care.

We had patroned all the best restaurants in Bali- from sunset cocktails at The Oberoi, to cuddling in his arms on the Beds at Four Seasons, to slurping pasta at La Lucciola while enjoying the seabreeze, to posing to his camera with the terraced rice fields in the background while we enjoy scrumptious escargots at Kafe Warisan, to cooling down the tan over copious amounts of lemongrass martini at KuDeTa and of course, sharing great conversations (including planning a honeymoon) over the 6-course meals at the beautiful Michelin-starred Mozaic in Ubud.

And as I fall asleep while lathered in the deep sun tan oil every afternoon, I look at my shimmering finger and I wanted the tan line from my rings to be there for eternity.

Love,

Danya

~lounging in her Milo chiffon sunthrow in Bali~

1st September 2009

When Life is an Opera.

Dear Nathan,

Funny. I am finally in your City after 15 years of lip service and when it finally came to sharing that cup of coffee- you copped out. And perhaps the saddest thing about this whole behaviour is that you had the audacity to blame it on timing.

You know what this all reminds me off? And the irony of it all?

Is that it was that exact same sensation that I had, 10 years ago, when I was trying to make sense of things, in my process of growing up when it comes to you.

And now I am at it again- only that I don't let this lack of respect of this friendship fool me- second time round.

It's true what you said- some things just don't change.

But for now, let me let you go through that process of growing up - in your own time, and at your own pace.

I don't have anything else to lose.

p/s- I can't beleive you failed to inform me your better half is an actual Page 3 pull-out girl AND a proper Play.mate at the Play.boy. Man.sion.

I would have asked for an autograph.

Love,
Danya
~sipping Moet at the Opera Bar~
Sydney, 26 August 2009

Cry Baby.

Frantic SMS sent after 2 weeks of absence.

How is she? How is the baby? Is everything OK?

Hi Danya! Everything is well thank you!! His name is Tyler Alexander. I sent you an SMS from the hospital on the 28th - did you not get it?

No I didn't- hence the worry! I thought something went wrong!

Ah Danya- thanks for worrying doll.

Oh cow- someone has to do it! Good job old cow ;)

Mr Big welcomed his second child to this world a few weeks ago in a posh hospital in Hong Kong- when I was in fact on the island on the same day. This time it's a boy. Now Allora will have a baby brother to play with.

I hope his third marriage will really work out this time round.

From the bottom of my heart I do.

That Pain in My Chest.

This morning, while I was working away, a chat box with his name popped up.

Z: how are you?

Danya: ok :) i called you last night

Z: i left my phone at home...!

Danya: ah....ok. how are you?

Z: ok :) just finished lunch

Danya: yum

Z: u had lunch?

Danya: nah...i am still not eating properly

Z: why?

Danya: i dont know. i was feeling so strange last night. thats why i had to talk to you!

Z: ok. would you like to talk on the phone?

Danya: no...its ok :) maybe my hormones isnt right. i keep on feeling like i want to cry

Z: tomorrow is full moon

Danya: hmmmm

Z: I did cry on Saturday when I reached the beach

Danya: awwwwww. whats wrong. were u feeling melancholic?

Z: I felt that I needed to get out some of the feelings of our meeting

Danya: maybe thats what im still feeling now...like the emotions are bottled up...and everytime i think about it i start crying. what feelings did you have?

Z: I don’t know. what were you feeling?

Danya: like i have this big void. whatever it is it is very unsettling. i keep on having this vision of us talking...and they keep on replaying in my head. and every time i have that vision my chest just feels so heavy

And just like that- he dissapeared.

Perhaps the emotions are better left at the border and should never enter this space.

Ah- Danya- always the emotional fool that you are.

Who knows these things anymore.